Unfathomable

I really can't understand why I am lonely right now.....

I feel this deep longing but I'm clueless to who am I longing??

I went to the church I while ago...but why do I have this feeling of regret? I'm the one who chose to leave aren't I?

I really miss being a seminarian....I would give anything just to return.....

I don't even know myself anymore. I hid my emotions too much. And by doing so all the pain are all stuck here inside my heart.

Now my life is haunted by the question "What if?"

I'm lost. I need Gods guidance but why can't I hear him anymore?? What happened?