Listening to

I THNK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY by A rocket to the moon

Oh girl these nights are dull

I wish that I could spend them with you

I'm looking at this wall

Repeating "girl I love you"

Just take your pick

They're all the same

These things that you are telling me

Can't really show me how you feel

I'm breaking down

I'm falling down

But now I'm breathing

And now I am scared to move

Don't listen to a word I tell you

Just take me by my hand

And I swear I'll make this up to you

So now you want me to fix everything

But baby there's so much and so little time to

Replace the things I've broken

Ripped apart and thrown away

You can say that you don't miss me

I think about you every day

Oh come on girl

There's so much to say

So instead of kidding everybody

How about you try your tricks on me

On me

So now you want me to fix everything

But baby there's so much and so little time to

Replace the things I've broken

Ripped apart and thrown away

You can say that you don't miss me

I think about you every day

Oh...

Oh

Do you know

How this feels to see your face when I close my eyes

Bet you know

How it feels to be the only thing that matters now

So now you want me to fix everything

But baby there's so much and so little time to

Replace the things I've broken

Ripped apart and thrown away

You can say that you don't miss me

I think about you every day

So now you want me to fix everything

But baby there's so much and so little time to

Replace the things I've broken

Ripped apart and thrown away

You can say that you don't miss me

I think about you every day

One of my favorite songs....and this is how I feel today...

Xanthus requiem

Preparing all the things needed for the application for regency. I'll be going to manila this coming Dec. 19 to do something. And also inquire in the schools there. well my friends in the seminary well all worried about this. They don't want me to go but my decision is final and like all the other things no one can change my decisions. Almost everybody knows this but only one person knows that my decisions can be change by something or someone significant. Actually I praise that person for being able to see through all my plans.

But this person doesn't know about my new plan 'cause I haven't been sharing things to him lately even though he's my church mate.

Well I have to plans the Xanthus Requiem and the Mater Mortem. Both plans are working properly Mater Mortem is dependent on Xanthus Requiem it's like hitting two birds with one stone.

Well It's high time to make a move. The proper time for my plans is at hand. Although it means sacrificing things again but hey I need to do this in order to help others.

VICTORIAM SPERAMUS!

Been a while

I'm still thinking about what course to take. Well I'm geared up for the entrance exam in CEU and I hope I pass. come to think of it I guess I'll also apply in FEU, ADMU or UST just to be sure :)

Another big step and another big change in my life. Thank you seminary for all those wonderful years, to all my friends, the friends which I had a lot of fun with, the friends whom I had quarrel with, the friends that shared their lives to me, the friends who helped me, the friends who taught me a lot of different things and to the friends that always believes in me. THANK YOU and goodbye. We'll soon meet again and when we do, we'll reminisce all of the good times :)

TRIBUTE TO ALL MY FRIENDS :3

are you one of them? :)

The Dream Ended

After a long struggle the dream finally ended. As I ponder about the things that happened a question came out of no where. WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM IT ALL? I learned something and that something made me stronger. Now it's time to move on and look into the sky once more. When the wind blows, it'll remind me of all the happy moments. Although I feel so sad I can't let this sadness overcome me. I must keep on moving forward no matter what. People come and go but one truth remains, memories are there to remind us of the people we once knew. I have two wishes for my dearest friend Mew. I wish that you will be free from those chains that I tried to remove. Please don't warp another chain around you. And lastly I wish that you may find true happiness.

SAYONARA

ARIGATOU!

:)

I'm not mad at you

I'm not mad at you. I'm just waiting for you to return all the good times. But all can can do now is just wait here. When that time comes. I'll do everything I can to make you happy. I never want to see you hurt or sad. Coz it pains me. You're the first person to break the chains that kept me from flying. We were soaring together. But a wall suddenly came. you placed a wall between our friendship. But not matter what you do to me I will never ever get angry at you. Even though you see me staring at you with anger. Don't be discourage I just want to give you the space you want. Do you know each time I do it to you it pains me like a knife cutting through my skin? You're my first true best friend and I'll never exchange you for any riches in this world.

OH COME ON!

Why can't these feelings go away. No matter how I try to forget there are still things that reminds me of the past. Even this house played a great part. I don't know what to do. Why isn't God answering my prayers I'm in so much agony.

Home Visit

Thank God it's Friday!

Today we'll be having our home visit. A lot of task has been given and I need to do it in 3 days (AWTZ).

A lot of things to do, I wonder if I'll be able to enjoy this home visit.

By the way..I need to practice playing the violin again. I was inspired by the one who performed during the launching of Ugbos and during the Teacher's Day.

Saying "THANK YOU"

"Always say thank you and one day the heavens will open up and say welcome"
- Fr. Nong

This is what I've been doing lately. thanking God for all the blessings he has given me for the past years. After that to my surprise I've been receiving a lot of gifts from God(seriously). And you know what these gifts are no ordinary gifts. They've been making me smile for the past few days. Everyday becomes brighter and brighter.

Worried

I'm worried about my friend Mew Kuwaii..He's not yet here in the seminary it's been 3 days. I hope he's in a good condition right now. There are a lot of speculations going on. I hope it's not something serious.

Happy by never shout never

Happy lyrics
Songwriters: Ingle, Christofer Drew;

You make me happy whether you know it or not
We should be happy, that's what I said from the start
I am so happy knowing you are the one
That I want for the rest of my days, for the rest of my days
Through all of my days

You're looking so cool, you're looking so fly
I can't deny that when I'm staring you down right dead in the eye
I wanna try to be the person you want
The person you need, it's hard to conceive
That somebody like you could be with someone like me

I'm happy knowing that you are mine
The grass is greener on the other side
The more I think, the more I wish
That we could lay here for hours and just reminisce
Uh, oh, oh

You're looking so fresh, it's catching my eye
Why oh, why did I not see this before
The girl I adore was right in front of me
And now I'll take a step back and look in your eye
And ask why it took so long to see we're meant to be

I'm happy knowing that you are mine
The grass is greener on the other side
The more I think, the more I wish
That we could lay here for hours and just reminisce

On the good, the bad, the ugly
The smiles, the laughs, the funny
Or all the things we put each other through
It's for you, for you, for you

You make me happy whether you know it or not
We should be happy, that's what I said from the start
I am so happy knowing you are the one
That I want for the rest of my days, for the rest of my days

I'm happy knowing that you are mine
The grass is greener on the other side
The more I think, the more I wish
That we could lay here for hours and just reminisce
Uh, oh, oh

Keeping it real

Still following the emotional distance thingy. So far I'm good but some part of my personality wants to do the other way around. I have to do this even though it's hard to keep it up. Well good luck to me then. I feel like shouting so loud.

All I need is patience.

PRAYER AND FAITH IN GOD IS ALWAYS EFFECTIVE

Emotional Distance

well this is what my SD told me. That I must keep an emotional distance for a while. He said that it will help a lot. I finally recovered from what she did to me but still I feel a few ill feelings but I can manage. ..............Ok I think I ran out of words.....things are getting a little bit heliocentric at the moment...My SD was right....

Angry? no I don't feel any anger anymore...I guess it's true what my cousin said that my anger just only last for a few minutes or a day(I'm so soft XD)

SMILE ALWAYS :)

Had enough

I hate her so much. After all those month she's just gonna throw our relationship just like that?
I don't like people like that. They don't value the past. They will just repeat that mistake over and over again even if they meet new people. These new people will not remain with them 'cause of that attitude. But for me I'm still open when they decide to come back. But for her it's unforgivable.
For friends I'm always open.


I'm not the same Pitchy anymore... A lot of things in my attitude changed.


But still I can't stop thinking about the sin which she committed. I gave her my full trust. I gave her my love. But just because I'm far away she just threw it all the away.

NO WOMAN NO CRY from now on

FREAK DAY!

I'm so pissed off because of the news that was e-mailed to me by my friend. I can't think straight right now.
I hate it. cool off for 1 to 2 month? WTF!?

I don't know what to do in this current situation. I'm so damn angry. Arghhhhh I need silence.
I kept on shunning other people since this morning. I don't want to talk about anything at the moment with other people.
I don't look at people very often now. and some I yelled at 'cause it's so irritating.

I think I need a hug to make it all better for all the anger in my heart to disappear.Even if one has done bad to me I can easily forget everything because of a hug. DAMN I'm so soft XD

Future holds happiness

Change is always inevitable. Everyone is subject to it. Except God.

These days with silence made me stronger and now ready to face life again. A trip to Manila did the trick now I'm back. The butterfly said that you can't make other people like if you're not complete. So if you're missing a part then you're not whole. And any wish about making other people like you will not be granted. It will only hold you captive in an illusion.

If you want my help I will be glad to help you.

"Only those who know true suffering, knows true happiness"

-Yuuko

Back on the track

For a few hours of staying here in manila, I gained a lot of new ideas and a new perspective. Keep on moving, never stop until I reach my goal!

Thanks to that butterfly I now know what to do. Thanks to my friends in Grand Chase for your help.

Infatuation or Love?

There are some feelings we have when infatuated that we don’t have when we’re feeling love. Some of the “symptoms” of infatuation are; feelings of panic, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously.

When infatuated, we are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about our “partner in infatuation” and their love for us. We’re miserable when they’re away, almost like we’re not complete unless we’re with them. It’s a rush and it’s intense. It’s difficult to concentrate. And most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around them. Somehow being with them is not complete unless in ends in some type of sexual encounter.

Do any of these “symptoms” resemble feelings of love? Hardly. So why do we become infatuated? Where does it come from? Perhaps it’s biological.

When infatuated we experience a surge of dopamine that rushes through the brain causing us to feel good. Norepinephrine flows through the brain stimulating production of adrenaline (pounding heart). Phenylethalimine (found in chocolate) creates a feeling of bliss. Irrational romantic sentiments may be caused by oxytocin, a primary sexual arousal hormone that signals orgasm and feelings of emotional attachment. Together these chemicals sometimes override the brain activity that governs logic.

The body can build up tolerances to these chemicals so it takes more of the substance to get that special feeling of infatuation. People who jump from relationship to relationship may be craving the intoxicating effects of these substances and may be “infatuation junkies”.

When the chemical flood dries up, the relationship either moves into a loving romantic one or there is disillusionment, and the relationship ends.

from: http://www.selfcreation.com/love/infatuation.htm

Talk about blessing

Didn't expect that to happen.

I need to change myself.

I need a new Pitchy.

I need to renew my personality.

BEGIN IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED REST!

My head aches a lot yesterday and even today. What a lousy day it is today. There are a lot of things to do. And there is one thing on my mind that is heliocentric can't stop thinking about it no matter how hard I try. Darn it I barely had sleep last night I hate insomnia moments. I'm still sleep. Well although I haven't had much sleep I still manage to smile and laugh a while ago 'cause my classmates are doing a lot of hilarious things.

I also hate this K9 thingy. I need to send my reply to Nikki and boy is she going to be mad if I don't. SORRY NEKKE.. :3

Just as planned

Everything is turning out the way I planned it. Although because of such actions the balance of things were tampered yesterday. Now I forgot to make a back up plan it's a good thing I made one fast. I'm still observing their reactions. hahaha I didn't know that psychology could be this fun. I wonder what are their reactions a bout the letter am so excited hahaha...

3 DAYS OF REFORMATION

I need three days of reformation. Because I lost myself and I want it back. Last night didn't have any sleep(literally). In order to do so I need silence but I'm having a lot of problem keeping silence.
What should I do? I still don't know yet but I'm working on it. I won't be talking to a lot of people for three days. Well fair enough.

Feels like it

Feels like love?

I don't know the feeling I kept on thinking about just went out in my previous post. Yup i fell in love with someone that is unexpected. Now I'm so confuse. What should I do then? What will be it's effects on me. Just thinking of that person makes me crazy. ARGHHHH!

Feels like music!

Excited for tomorrow 'cause am going to re-study violin. I really love the violin. I don't care if I'm unskilled at it. I want to play the violin because I love it! One of my wishes in life is for someone I love play a love song on the violin for me and in front of me. O how I wish :)

Sorry S*****-chan

Sorry for making you fall in love. that was not my intension. And i have no feelings for you. You're a good friend of mine. You're a wonderful girl but I'm not worthy. My heart belongs to someone unexpected. I hope you find in your heart to forgive me. We had good times at the computer shop I hope those days will return. You're beautiful find a guy that's worth your time.

Freaking Friday

"There are two kinds of memories, the memories of the heart and the memories of the body, when the heart forgets the body remembers"

The dream has finally ended. It's time to fulfill the wish. I will pay my memories of that person for me to excel in my academics. Although I know that I might suffer a lot of memory lost because of it. I will still do it. Because I have no other choice.

Unexpected Compensation

An unexpected compensation was given to me last night. It was something that shocked me. The wish was within my capabilities to grant. It made me happy and wonder. But the compensation made me thing a lot and I slept late just thinking about it. I now have the compensation that I need. With the compensation in mind, it made things easier for me to handle. All I can say is that I'm starting to grow again in knowledge.

"To change your self, is to change your future". This quote popped out of my mind last night. I laughed at myself because I forgot all about this quote. And the question "Can changing the future that was already in place be ever forgiven?". It's true that it is hard to change something that is destined good or bad. But change is inevitable if you try to change yourself, your future may change and you might avoid the things that you fear most. In doing this you must keep a calm mind for you to succeed.

Up and Down

I've been experiencing a lot of mood swings. I'm afraid that the medical result will turn out bad. I still want to do a lot of things. I don't want things to end early. I still need to fulfill my wish. Lately I've been thinking of a lot of things so I barely talk with other people when I'm alone. I've been shunning conversations because I want to have a quiet time to think and to reflect. I'm confuse right now. For now the only one who knows my problem is Biboy. I've been asking him on what to do. Within two weeks I will know the result of the medical test. I pray that it's not so serious. I hope that all the theories of the doctors are not true. Because of these things I been wearing a mask. A mask that shows that I'm happy but inside I'm not. It's hard to pretend that I'm happy because I'm not the person who likes to pretend. I don't like to hide my emotions I want to be always transparent.

"Make the best out of your life"

New Guild

I left Exempt because I joined BloodChase because of the request of my couple Yoruh...hmmm does that make me the lord of BC? (lolz) because Yoruh is the mistress. I laugh just thingking about it. hahaha. anyway I hope no one in Exempt will be angry for my Unexpected decision.

LUV STURY haha :3

LUV STURY
(Exempt Version)

Matsu was young at si Syntax Phedo!
Ven close your eyes
And the buffer starts
And Sena’s there
Tumakbo ka na to your father

Si Cyn nag lights
Nasa party naka gown
I see you make your way to the crowd
And say hello, si iko nag eye mo

That you were Senakun you were eating pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And Cyn was crying on the staircase
Begging Sena please don’t go, and Cyn said

Sena could you take me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be waiting all there is to do is run
Sena’s te prince and Cyn was his princess
It’s a Horror Stury Sena just say yes!

So I sneaked out to the garden to feed you
We keep quiet ‘cause we’re dead if they new
So close your eyes
Escape this thread for a little while

‘Kasi Romeo, nangulit sa letter
And Matsuhika said take away Juliet
But Sena’s crying to Cyn
Cyn was begging Sena please don’t go, and Cyn said

Sena could you take me somewhere we can be alone
We’ll be laughing all there’s left to do is run
It’s a Horror Stury Sena just say yes!

Sena please save Cyn, they try to tell me how to feel
Si Cham salisi gang, but it’s real
Don’t be afraid, Ronger made it out this mess
It’s Sena’s Luv Stury Cyn just say yes

Oh oh

Si cham ay pa simple
Kapatid ni veric ang tinarget nya
3am sa chat room
When she met you on the outskirts of town, walang hiya!

Si cham pasimple bakit kapatid ko pa
Dun sa YM ay nilalandi mo pa
Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, Marry me Yen Yen(my sisters nickname)
You never have to be alone
Gigil ako and that’s all I really know
I talked to your father, go pick out a white dress
It’s a luv stury yen could you say yes!

Oh oh oh oh
Pati kapatid ko pinagtripan mo

New Start

I'm getting better in handling Seighart. I sure hope I can increase the level of the Ice Necklace.

I went out to meet some of my old friends and they're still the same as ever. :)

I'm so energetic today. And I eat a lot(wew there goes the diet).

Tomorrow I will be going back to the Seminary to fix the things that needs to be fixed. thank you La Corda d' oro secondo passo I learned a lot again. :3

THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING :)

Recovering

Finally I'm recovering fast. I just need a bit of rest that's all.

I won't give up. I may have lost it back then I won't let it happen again.

Not Much

After last night it had me thinking a lot even up to now. Asking myself what could be the reason for such actions. I can't think of any grave reason for that action.

Still sick my head hurt when ever I stand up or go somewhere. I need to recover fast.

The dream has ended. Everything that I foresaw has come. There's no stopping it for it was already destined. All that I can do now is just watch and observe.

CRYING

crying so hard. because I can't believe what I found out. So much pain in my heart and it's breaking me. Is there still hope? I don't know what to do. I'm lost. For the second time I lost it :(

SICK PITCHYKUN

I am sick again. I went back home to have my check up. I hope I could go back soon to the seminary.

BETTER!

I'm feeling better now. I'll be going back to the seminary tomorrow. The fully recovered Pitchy is coming back. These few days contributed a lot to my recovery. It helped me not just physically but mentally.

Morning Adagio

My check up is scheduled tomorrow. As of now my cousin who is a nurse told me to just rest. I think I'll just follow her advice. So far so good I'm feeling better. Smile is knocking once more, so I'll let smile in.

POEM POEM?

A friend sent me this through e-mail, anyway It sounds good so POST! :)

Why do people tend to let you down
When you`re up and enjoying life?
Why do they mind everything
Even in one`s personal being?

When someone is transforming
And others keep on doubting?
When someone is talking
And others are interrupting?

Why is there a distant success
Where failure is always next?
Why can`t human accept losing
When there`s somebody better than him?

Why can`t problems be solved
When problems have right solutions?
Why are people not all rich
When people can possibly be rich?

Why do you keep on crying
When he never gives you ring?
Why do you keep on questioning
When nobody dare to do the answering?

All these queries you have not to pray
Or you breakdown if you cry
A consolation from HIM you must try
That turns your day without a sigh.
- Anonymous

Insomia

Having a hard time sleeping because of the pain. Ouch! it aches a lot lately. I'll consult a doctor about this. It's already midnight and coldness of the night is like a knife cutting through my skin.

Lorn

My heart aches, my heart feels heavy, my heart is sad. I never thought that that would happen. Expect the unexpected. But I'm not angry I'm just depress I don't blame anybody.

Ealy Morning Reflection

"The greatest sickness of today is to be nobody to anybody"
-Mother Teresa

We had a discussion in Philosophy about Being. As Fr. Joseph discuss the meaning of being, the saying of Mother Teresa was mentioned. It had me thinking about a lot of things. Among all of things that entered my mind, the one that remained is the one that has been bothering me for quite some time now. And as I kept on reflecting I'm finally starting to understand. But in someway there something in my heart that kept on causing me pain. In an occupation like mine I often ask "If I could make other peoples wishes come true then who will be the one to make mine come true?".

Unlucky day

I'm really excited about my free time today but I turns out that I will not be permitted to have my free time because was was late last free time for 10min HURRAY XD.

Now 4-5:30 pm me and my friends are going to clean. I hate it because this is my first time to ever get sanctioned.

Oh well at least I did something to cheer me up. I ordered food from McDonald YEHEY!

Prelims (3rd and last day)

This is the last day of torment. After this I'll be relaxing. I hope that I can go out for free time later :3 .

I'm printed the lyrics of "when you say you love me" by Josh Groban. I really love this song. Every time I sing this song I'm in awe and a happy feeling takes over my body.

I have only one exam today which is Logic. I'm still confuse with logic so I guess I'll have to concentrate more on logic.

I'm happy today because of something that brightens my day.

Prelims (2nd Day)

The 2nd Day of torment is here. So far I manage to answer all questions. Now I have to study "Introduction to Philosophy" and "Logic".

During this day I've been depress but thank to my friends I manage to remove the negative feelings inside of me now I'm full of joy.

I think I want to write something for Soli Deo. I said to myself why not write all the negative feelings and make a poem or something else.

WORD OF THE DAY:

"SMILE"

Pre-lims

It's time for the pre-lims. I have to study a lot. Wish I could pass the exams.

"Don't waste time or time will see you wasted"
- Msgr. Nong

Another day

Well I woke up early. I during the Mass I felt something and it bothered me again. I'm still worrying about the future. I hope I get over this soon. The days are passing and my emotions and feelings are developing. It pains me sometimes when I want to do something but I can't. I don't feel like arraging my sentence in the proper way coz that's how I feel right now.

Confused?

Not anymore I'm just preparing myself for the inevitable. But as the days past something is happening. Damn am afraid. History repeats itself.

The Inevitable

In the past days I've been bothered by a lot of things in my mind. It is because of what is to come in my life. Because I know that one day I will be alone again. They say that separation is a part of life and we can't do anything about it. They say that in order for new people to enter into our lives we have to say goodbye to older friends. My question is "Do we really have to lose our older friends?". I'm so depress about it, call me selfish but I don't want them to go. I don't want to feel lonely again. For years I've been bearing this loneliness and I'm afraid that it might grow even more as time passes. I kept on asking myself "Will I be able to bear it if that time comes?" or "Will I suffer again?". More questions piles up it is now a sandbox so heavy that I can't even lift it.

"If we love someone with all our heart, we can't bear the sorrow that follows if we shall ever lose them"

July 2

The house:

We nothing interesting happened today. I just remembered what somebody told me about The House. For me there's no need to do something about it. Although I'm impress that he noticed it. well I guess that something should be compressed.

Love:

well I don't know what to say. Maybe maybe not, still not sure about this. but no matter what it is I must maintain the calmness of my mind and soul.

Although you guys don't understand what I'm saying. I'll just tell you if you ask me

A new blog

Well this is my new blog. Unlike the previous one I'll be updating this almost everyday.